On Being Judgmental: Part 1

From an early age, I was troubled about my tendency to judge people.

I was a devout little Catholic girl and I had often heard this pronouncement from the scripture:  “Judge not lest ye be judged.“. That one imprinted itself into me. I thought, “ Oh my God, does that mean if I judge anybody, then God will judge ME? “That scared me and made me very aware of when I was judging someone, but it didn’t stop me.

Later I came to a softened interpretation of that passage from Matthew.

I think it means that if you judge others, then you will live in a judgmental reality, as opposed to a more forgiving, understanding one.  And you will likewise be judged by others.

The problem of judgmentalism has remained dominant throughout my life, and it comes up frequently in the energy work I do with myself and my clients. 

So, aside from these religious teachings, what’s so bad about judging someone?  Especially if they are behaving badly, being rude or cruel or inconsiderate or if their behavior makes no sense to us and appears harmful? I mean, shouldn’t they be judged and shamed so they know they are doing wrong?  These are questions that people frequently have, including myself.

Well, for one, there is Brené Brown’s research showing that shaming and judging people does not motivate them to change. And secondly, holding judgment costs us a lot of mental, emotional, and spiritual energy -  energy we could be using to create peace for ourselves, others and the world.

This, I’ve found, is not immediately apparent because it just feels so damn good and right to arrive at a judgment and swear by it. It’s a tidy way to deal with an otherwise a messy reality, as in, “ I know what’s right and what’s wrong and I know who’s good and who’s bad and that’s that. I’ll stand by it. Now let me get on with my life.”  That’s how many people seem to feel.

If you, my reader, really believe that, then you may not wish to read further. I doubt I can change your mind. But for those who remain troubled by living in a judgmental world, including their own and other peoples’ judging of our fellow humans, then you might be interested in the ideas that follow.

In the course of my 36 years of reading various spiritual/metaphysical texts, I once came upon a definition of judgment that stuck with me (just as strongly as that scripture passage from my childhood had).  Here is that definition:

“A judgment is a thought form that is attached to the thinker and is held in place by emotional material.”

After years of work with clients and myself around this subject, here’s how I’ve come to understand this definition and what makes it so useful to us.

If a judgment is a thought form, then it is ONLY that - it has no reality beyond my thinking it. It is not held anywhere in the universe as an implacable Truth. So right away that allows me some leeway and some freedom. I can learn to question such a thought form - its solidity, its reality.  Thus begins an inquiry into my own perceptions and my habit of leaping to judgment.

The inquiry continues when we try out the idea that this thought form is “attached to the thinker”. Oh dear, that’s me. It’s attached to ME. This judgment exists only in MY PERSONAL REALITY. I may object and say,”Hey, lots of other people have the same judgment about so-and-so, so it must be Truth.”  Not so. It’s still just a thought form that is attached to each thinker in a unique and particular way. I will elaborate later on that.

So now I know that this thought form is attached to me. I can own it if I choose to; I can get curious about it; I can take responsibility for my thoughts and the energy they create in me and around me. Maybe I don’t want to fill myself with the toxic energy of this judgment, no matter how real it appears to be; Maybe I don’t want my psychic space taken up with such life-alienating, low vibration stuff.  

So now I have already made some breathing room for myself. Do you feel it? Right away it puts you more in touch with your own innate goodness. Right away you are beginning to clean out your psychic field. Aaahhh…

I find the last part of this definition of judgment to be quite wondrous. This thought form that is attached to me is held in place by emotional material. Wow! What does that even mean? It sounds like a key to unlocking and releasing a judgment. Could that be?

Yes. That CAN be.  Next, I’m invited to explore the idea that some emotional complex of MINE is what is holding this judgment in place in me. In other words, some “pre-existing condition” in my emotional body is being activated, triggered.  I think this is an earth shaking revelation to contemplate. To think that my own suppressed emotional material has that kind of force.  To think that I can perhaps free myself of this addiction to judgment by understanding how it works, what gives it its power.

And to think of the possibility of lifting this emotional material, dissolving it, resolving it, moving it, transforming it. This is an awesome possibility.

I’ll end this installment here and continue this subject in the next. I invite you to tinker with these ideas if they interest you. You have nothing to lose and possibly much to gain. You might choose for starters some sticky judgment that’s been adhered to you for years. Not a big monumental one, but one of slightly less importance and intensity. Look at that judgment in the light of this definition and see what you discover. This will be an adventure of the psyche. I wish you a good trip.